I can feel it everywhere, blowing with the winds of change.

I don't want to do this to you. Your words hurt me more than I let on today. "You're choosing your real friends over me, and thats okay. We'll never meet anyway." I don't like when people talk like that. You're more of a real friend than they may ever be. Don't talk like that. I can't take it, and I won't. I'm just going to put up an away message for the rest of tonight and pretend like everything's okay.

This time of year makes my head spin off track. An icy road takes me over the guardrail, not somewhere I want to go. Down, down, crashing through the glass. Slices all over my head, and oh, a big gash. Maybe it will wake me up from the dream I'm living in. The dream of him. Back to you, back to you. I'm sorry. I don't want to make you feel alone. I won't turn out the way you loathe.

Sleep tight, pretty girl. Sleep safe, young child. People change. I change, just like the seasons. A new face for winter.

I wrote the book of the dead.

Everytime I open my mouth, "I don't care"'s spill out. They seem to just fall out and never stop. They keep falling and falling as if they were going to Wonderland. Or perhaps they were going down the caves to meet death in the Underworld. I saw the Great Achilles down there. He told me he'd rather be slaves for the scum. Even the great have to fall sometime.

Everytime I open my eyes, I pretend I don't care. The only problem with this is I'm a bigger liar than I let on. I lie to myself day after day. I hate myself because I care more than anything. I care about you and what they do. I care about me and what I see. I care about the world and how ugly it is.

I want to fall down a big black hole just so you'd come after me. You'd stare down and see nothing. No glowing eyes. No sparkling smiles. Nothing. Darkness. Black. My skin would turn ebony. My eyes dead. I would be dead and you'd all miss me.

I zig zag my way through this maze called life. I wait on shortcuts through hedges and hints in the sky. The birds won't sing to me unless I sing to them. I sing at the top of my lungs even when someone's around. My lungs feel as if they're going to collapse at any moment, but I just laugh it off. I laugh everything off. It echos and echos in my mind. My heart. My soul. My body aches but I go on and on. I want to cut myself off because I'm not making any sense. I want to formulate a formula to make life easy. I'd be a millionare but people would continue dying anyway.

Staring down, 6 feet under. Looking up, 6 feet above. I want my wedding day to be full of rain and my funeral day full of sun. Doom my love, doom my new life. Celebrate the life I lived, not the life I lost. Look down at me while I smile back up at you. I will be smiling. My face will be cold, pale, and motionless. All the color gone from my cheeks and lips that used to hold a smile. My eyes will be closed, but I will be there. I swear to every single one of you I will wink and grin. "My mind is playing tricks on me." No, it isn't. It's the same old me, just dead. Happy to know I've lived. Happy to know I'm moving on - and so will you.

Soon I will be forgotten. Soon we will all be forgotten. No one will remember my unforgettable laugh. No one will remember me.

Everytime I open my mouth, "I don't care"'s spill out. They seem to just fall out and never stop. They keep falling and falling as if they were going to Neverland. Or perhaps they were going down the caves to meet death in the Underworld. I saw the Great Achilles down there. He told me he'd rather be slaves for the scum. Even the great have to fall sometime.
Staring down, 6 feet under. Looking up, 6 feet above.

Shattered glass on the floor, makes my feet bleed.

I am not going to wait around on faulty friendships and cracked conversations. Waiting for you to take the "I miss you's" to the "Let's be friends again" to the "You make me smile's" is like waiting around for the sun to meet with the moon in the sky.

It's 12 A.M. and I'm up thinking of the secrets we used to confide in each other. You're the antidote to cure the poison in my veins. You're the same one who poisoned me in the first place. Quick glances vs. Long stares - we're better off watching each other from the corner of our eyes. We're not meant to meet face to face, eye to eye.

Eye for an eye, heart for a heart. My trade is off because my heart is made of plastic. I traded that in a long time ago when I realized I wouldn't need it. Hate for hate, love for love. My shiny plastic heart keeps me safe at night, but not warm. Shivering in the cold, same position I laid in when I was smaller than your pinky tip. Comfort for comfort, warmth for warmth.

Looking through the glass, we're on opposite ends of the track. I scream, but you only see lips moving. Are my words getting through? They were lost in translation. We must speak different dialects. That's why I'm always waiting. Waiting for you. Just like the spring waits on ice melting on the lakes. Daring boys walk across it, cracking it from every move they make. They're not courageous, just injudicious.

I am not going to wait around on faulty friendships and cracked conversations. Waiting for you to take the "I miss you's" to the "Let's be friends again" to the "You make me smile's" is like waiting around for the vampires to wake underneath the sun.