If you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, you can find out first hand what it’s like to be me,

What's the use of having fears?

Fearing death, so you're never living.
Fearing the snakes whom you may cross paths with during your daily walk.
Fearing the spiders who probably live in your bedsheets anyway.
Fearing the shots that may save the life of someone who fears dying.
Fearing being burned alive, so you never play with fire.
Fearing drowning, so you never feel the thrill of the ocean.
Fearing the sharks that dwell in the deep, so you never swim in the ocean.
Fearing the dark, so you never experience nighttime.
Fearing getting sun poisioned, so you never experience the daytime.
Fearing the muderers and rapists, so you never go out in the city.
Fearing the illness, so you're never well.
Fearing life, so you're dying.

It gets you no where.

The sun's in love with vampires.

I live for the world's ugliness. In that, I find beauty. As ugly as something may be, I will find beauty. A glimmer of hope lies in everything ... even in this cruel and sick world. Beauty is everyday and what we look at, ugly is what we fear. I fear nothing but beauty. Someday it will make my eyes pop so large I won't be able to stand it. I'd give myself for the colors of the sunrise and sunsets, for the deep blue of the sky, for the gray of rainy days, and for the green of spring.

I love the world for it's ugliness. In that, I find beauty.

"Why can't he say what he wants? Why must he speak in dreams?"

Please .
Stop.
Being.
So.
Overly.
Dramatic.
Thank.
You.

And me? Me. Get a heart and stop being so stubborn. It's not fair to hurt people like this. Do you think you're special? No, I don't. Stop it.

Sure as you breathe, I am there inside you.

I don't like 'goodbyes' from anything. I technically didn't say goodbye to him, only in my mind. Perhaps that is even worse. I wish I did tell him 'goodbye'. I probably won't seem him again anytime soon ... which may be better ... but I, of course, don't like it. Some may call what he did flirting. I'm not sure what to make of it. All I know is that I enjoyed the time I did spend with him. He made me laugh. I know it could never be, but I can't stop from thinking. He's happy with her. He also gave me his number without asking me. What does that mean? Why would you give someone your number if you didn't want to talk to them? I looked in his phone, he has my number as well. (He did spell my name wrong though, so I fixed it. Shh.) I am making no sense. Besides saying 'goodbye' to him ... I had to say 'goodbye' to the memories I made this weekend. I hate letting go of things like this. I don't want them to end. I feel like a part of me is missing when I don't have to be singing my heart out every night and wearing an itchy costume that left me red marks under my arms. Oh, well. Next year won't be the same. He won't be there. It doesn't matter. I'm making a fool of myself by even thinking about this like I am. It sort of creeps me out. He sort of creeps me out. Yet, I want more. And then there is the other boy. A boy than came back from my past right into my present. He just crashed right in with no notice ahead of time. One day he just appeared. I wonder what is to come of this boy. There is another boy as well. I don't know where to start about him. Mixed emotions all over the place.

And sometimes all you need is one best friend. One best friend who shows that he cares about you everyday just by the smile he gives you for no reason. Or the way he puts his elbow on your deks. The way he doesn't care if he talks to you rather than 'the guys'. The way he tells you he doesn't like seeing you down. For him, I am thankful.